Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
