why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
