you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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