I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
