also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
