why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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