it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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