I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
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I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
