I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
