In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
