i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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