This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
