just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
