I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
