I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
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I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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