none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
