Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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