your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
