??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i came on her dog
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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