i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
