overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
