Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
