I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
