Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
