While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
