Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
