I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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