If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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