i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I'm really busy with my period
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