Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
