I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
