Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
