no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
