I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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