remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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