k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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