There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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