Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
