True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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