it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
