Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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