Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
