Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
