You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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