only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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