i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
