The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
