Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think a kid would responsible me up
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
