his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
