i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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