walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
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I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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