Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize