you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
