And the cops told us we were all naked.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
