I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
