I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
