I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
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i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
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He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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