ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
