I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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