how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
