Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
