i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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