I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
no, he came in my armpit
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
