Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
