He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
