Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
