cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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