I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
