Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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