ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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